In Anger
by Kandakicksass
Summary: Sebastian made one mistake and the rest of the dominoes fell, starting and ending with one Kurt Hummel. Implied Klaine, Sebastian/Kurt. Angry!sex, a fair amount of angst. HEAVY SLASH.


When Sebastian opened the door and completely changed the course of his life, he shouldn't have been so pleased to find Kurt Hummel on the other side, shoving the door open wide and slipping inside. His lip was curled uncharacteristically and he moved with a telltale limp, nearly indiscernible to an untrained eye. He glared at Sebastian, then at the tasteful interior of his front hall as if the décor had done something to personally offend him. In spite of his vicious expression, he didn't say anything.

Sebastian almost wished that this visit was more of a surprise, but they both knew it had been months in coming. Kurt, casually dressed for once, stood and fixed him with _that look_. The same look he'd gotten after the slushie incident, and in the Lima Bean, and more recently, several feet away at a gas station. It was withering, furious – the word glare wasn't nearly enough to describe the hatred in Kurt's eyes.

"Hello, Kurtie."

Kurt's eyes narrowed further. "Don't even, Sebastian. Just stop right now." Yet, Kurt still didn't say why he was there. Sebastian leaned against the wall, meeting his eyes, his own lips curled in a smirk. No, Kurt wasn't saying why he was there. It didn't really matter, considering Sebastian knew the reason already. After all, he'd known when he'd slid a hand up Blaine's thigh in his bed that he was going to hear from Kurt sooner or later.

What made the entire situation fun was that Kurt just didn't understand. He was still under the impression that Sebastian was doing all of this to steal Blaine, but it hadn't been about sweet little Blaine for quite a while. No, not since he'd met the boyfriend with his perfect hair and perfect smile and perfect body. Sebastian knew his type, innocent enough to be coerced into angry sex, to become addicted to it no matter how much he hated Sebastian. Kurt's jealousy and blatant lack of sexual knowledge would make him easy to mold into exactly the kind of prey he adored. He was still fond of Blaine - sex on a stick and sings like a dream - but right now, all he could think about was getting his adorable little boyfriend pissed, then getting him dirty.

"We need to talk," he said after another moment of dead silence and Sebastian raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. "And I didn't want the New Directions involved in something between you and I, so here I am." Perhaps Kurt did realize that this wasn't just about Blaine anymore.

"Really? Because your relying on the pretty Latina tells me otherwise." He shut the door, hand lingering on the knob. Kurt didn't react to suddenly being trapped in with him, though Sebastian was certainly aware.

"Santana wanted to kick your ass and who would I be to stop her?" Kurt snorted and the Warbler couldn't help but feel a little surprise at his use of profanity. He knew it was unrealistic, but his mental image of Kurt had always been of an innocent kid. He couldn't help a chuckle, and Kurt's expression darkened further. "Besides, she wanted proof that you put something in the slushie. Which she got."

Sebastian laughed. "I've got the tape, so I suppose it was all for naught then."

"I made a copy."

Sebastian's eyebrow felt like it would permanently make a home on his hairline. Kurt was just full of surprises, wasn't he? "Well then. What are you here to talk about, Kurt? To warn me to stay away from Blaine?"

"He told me what you tried to do to him."

Kurt's voice was heated and angry, words clipped, and Sebastian almost laughed. This was going exactly where he hoped it would.

"Why shouldn't I stop by to apologize for nearly blinding him? Isn't that what you wanted? Though the slushie was meant for you, you know. I never meant for Blaine to get hurt," he said conversationally, knowing that he was just riling him up and enjoying it as Kurt's face flushed with fury.

"I don't care that you tried to hit me! I care that you didn't, hurt my boyfriend, and then proceeded to grope him in his own bed!"

Kurt was breathing heavily, his eyes wide and blazing.

"Why, Kurt." His smirk was downright cocky. "That happened last week... why are you only coming to 'talk' now? Or did he only just tell you?"

Kurt make a choked sound and lunged forward, his bared nails only barely missing Sebastian's face when he ducked. Suddenly, it made sense.

"He fucked you," Sebastian marveled and Kurt let out a sound so high it hurt Sebastian's ears, but he just laughed and snagged Kurt's wrists. He would probably have bruises from the elbow in his stomach, or the blunt force of the back of Kurt's head plowing into his jaw, but Sebastian just gritted his teeth, letting out a huff of laughter. "He fucked you and _then _told you! Oh, man, that's rough."

His laughter stopped abruptly, startling the brunette who, in his surprise, didn't fight as Sebastian moved both wrists to one hand, the other straying down. He knew he was right, too – Kurt was wearing only a T-shirt with a vest and jean shorts. Sebastian couldn't recall the last time he'd seen Kurt in something so simple. He must have pulled this outfit on in a rush; Sebastian was certain. "Then he let you run over here in a tizzy, still prepared..." Kurt's eyes widened at his words and he croaked out a simple _no _as one long, probing finger slipped down the back of Kurt's shorts, tracing over a tightly clenching, clearly lubricated hole. "Oh, Kurtie."

_"Don't fucking call me that!"_

And Kurt was screaming again, audibly pissed and thrashing in his grip. Hissing, Sebastian wrenched his hand out of Kurt's jeans, pulling them down until they only half covered Kurt's ass, and then even lower as they wrestled into the living room. As they tumbled over the couch – grunting in pain as limbs were pressed into kidneys and other vital body parts – Kurt kicked his leg hard enough that it came free, and kicked his shorts off entirely to better maneuver. Sebastian noted, pleased, that Kurt was going commando, thanking the heavens for how much easier that would make things. Dodging another blow, Sebastian yanked the zipper on his jeans down. Blinded by his determination to land a solid punch, Kurt didn't even see it coming and tackled him, pressing him into the couch.

Sebastian managed to swipe his hand over his cock once, smearing his precome over it before Kurt landed on his stomach. His anger was obviously clouding his modesty because he didn't care about how his bare ass was pressed to the skin of Sebastian's stomach, his balls pressed just under his ribs. He watched in what seemed like slow motion as Kurt's fist retracted. He almost expected it to make contact before he could will his body to move, but Sebastian's hands knew the plan better than he did, apparently, and grasped Kurt's slim hips quickly enough to surprise him. Kurt's expression turned into one of shock as large hands forced him back onto Sebastian's erection.

Kurt keened, his head falling back to expose a long, pale throat. Kurt's mouth opened and closed in gaping pleasure as his hips rolled of their own accord, taking more of Sebastian inside. "You… asshole," he whispered and as if in a retort, Sebastian snapped his hips up, his hands forcing Kurt to ride him. Well, forced was a strong word. Kurt's body was moving with him even without his guiding hands.

Then Kurt _moaned_ and Sebastian could hear the anger in it, sending a pang of lust through his body that added an extra _snap _to the thrust of his hips. Kurt's head came back up, regally, before a spark ignited in his eyes and he punched Sebastian hard with a _crunch _that probably would have killed his erection in any other circumstance. Kurt smirked before leaning down and kissing his most likely broken nose lightly, mockingly. His eyes blazed with fury.

In retaliation, Sebastian reached up and ripped his shirt open, sending designer buttons everywhere. Kurt looked down at the remnants of his shirt in shock even as Sebastian cast it away. Blue eyes met green and narrowed, before one of those lovely hands landed a stinging slap to Sebastian's cheek.

After a moment of silence, Sebastian spoke. "Kiss it better," he challenged mockingly and Kurt raised an eyebrow, his eyes flashing dangerously. Sebastian thought idly that Kurt's eyes really were the most expressive part of him. Kurt leaned down again, pressing kisses up and down Sebastian's cheek.

"You bastard," he said sweetly, his breath hot in Sebastian's ear.

"You're no angel, either, gorgeous," Sebastian drawled, pretending he couldn't feel the pain because honestly, it came second to the tight heat of Kurt's body. Nothing was more important than this, not then. "Even if you look like one."

"I hate you," he hissed against Sebastian's lips as the Warbler slipped a hand between them and around his cock, hard and leaking profusely. Sebastian laughed, the sound a little rough, and pressed another kiss to Kurt's lips.

"I hate you, too," he whispered against cherry lips, his hips crashing into Kurt's so hard he thought the boy might break. His words came out in sharp little pants. Kurt was just so _fucking perfect_, gasping against his cheek every time Sebastian hit his sweet spot. How could Sebastian not appreciate that? How could Blaine even begin to compare?

He reached up with the hand not jerking Kurt roughly, knowing the brunette would keep riding him all on his own, and pulled on his hair enough to expose his throat again. He nipped at the milky expanse of skin, almost fondly. They both knew it was anything but—possessive and controlling, maybe, but not fond.

Kurt made a soft choking sound and Sebastian sped up his thrusts, urging Kurt with his hips to go faster. He bent down again, groaning into Sebastian's neck before crying out loudly, coming onto Sebastian's hand and chest. Sebastian wasn't far behind and with a single sharp thrust, he spilled himself into Kurt's body. Kurt exhaled shakily before his entire frame wilted and he slumped against the Sebastian's chest, spent. Sebastian trailed a hand up his back, the action smug.

"I hate you," he heard Kurt whisper. The guilt and shame in his voice was enough for Sebastian to start rethinking what had just happened. Kurt pulled away and started pulling on torn clothing, refusing to look at him.

"I know," he murmured after a long silence, appraising the eighteen-year-old with his eyes, and let Kurt leave.

He knew he'd be back.

Surprisingly, Kurt didn't show up at his doorstep in the next week, or the week after that. Sebastian took to hanging around the Lima Bean, hoping to run into him and goad him into some more one-on-one. If he was being honest, he was getting more and more irritated by the day, frustrated that he was comparing every subsequent fuck to Kurt. He wasn't used to having a standard and was willing to fuck it out if he had to until the novelty of _Kurt Hummel _was out of his system.

Of course, because screw his luck, he ran into Blaine instead. He grinned a little impishly at him, only for him to give him a dead look and glance out the window.

"Well, well," he said sweetly, pulling out the chair in front of the dapper ex-Warbler. "Are you still angry with me for the slushie? I did apologize..."

Blaine's eyes met his for a moment before turning to look out the window again. Sebastian bit his lip; Blaine looked like _hell_. There were bags under his eyes and his hair, while gelled, was not as orderly as normal. "Something wrong in paradise, sexy?"

"Stop talking, Sebastian."

His eyes widened in surprise. Rude Blaine? He'd never met this person before. "What did I do, Blaine?"

Brown eyes locked on him- brown eye, rather; he was still wearing an eye patch - and those sweet lips were set in a hard line. "I'm sure you knew exactly what you did. Did Kurt tell you he broke up with me because of what you did to him?"

Sebastian raised both hands defensively, but his mind was a whirlwind. Kurt had done _what_? "Kurt was an active participant, Blaine. You don't know what really happened-"

"I know more than you think I do," Blaine snapped. "I _know_ what happened. Kurt broke up with me out of guilt, because you managed to trick him into having sex with you. Now he thinks he can't look me in the eye for shame because he cheated on me."

So maybe he did know.

"Maybe he tricked me!" Sebastian argued uselessly. He knew there was no hope. "He's not as sweet an innocent as you think he is."

"I _love_ him, Sebastian," Blaine hissed. "And he won't even look at me. He's been beating himself up for it - he won't eat. He won't talk to me, not really, even though we all know he still loves me. He won't stop _thinking _about it, like you infected his head or something."

"What, are you going to tell me you forgive him?" Sebastian asked incredulously. He could admit it was a pithy shot, but he had to know.

"Yes," Blaine snapped and Sebastian suddenly couldn't think of a thing to say. "I know what it's like to be riled up and upset. I know what it's like doing something you regret. I love him, so of course I forgive him. And you know what? He won't accept that. He keeps torturing himself with guilt."

"You're too nice, Blaine," Sebastian said quietly. All of his arguments, all of his snark, had been washed away. No, he didn't feel bad for what he did – but he did feel bad for the shit he was putting Blaine through. Blaine snorted in disgust and stood, leaving both Sebastian and his own coffee at the table.

He deserved it.

"Kurt?"

Kurt breezed past him into the house, his expression made of stone. "Don't pretend this isn't what you were hoping for, Smythe. I'm frustrated, I'm pissed, and I currently want to vent." He wasn't lying either; Sebastian could tell by the way his foot was tapping on the hardwood floors, the muscles in his back twitching. He looked like _shit_. There were bags under his eyes identical to Blaine's from the week before and his skin was paler than usual.

"In other words, you're horny," he paraphrased, feeling nervous. "But it's really not a good time, Lady face." He had a cute little Dalton Academy sophomore, who was kind of loud and not half as cute as Kurt, up in his room (thoroughly fucked out, but unfortunately Sebastian hadn't enjoyed it quite as much) and he wasn't completely sure how the gorgeous fashionista would take that. He wasn't about to take any chances when he had an adorably pissed off Kurt in front of him. Despite his minor guilt over hurting Blaine, he would not let this one walk away from him and he was willing to make something up about his parents being home if he had to.

"Kick whoever it is out," he snapped and Sebastian blinked, taken aback. "I'm here and I take priority over any two-bit hack you could pick up at Scandals." He felt a smirk coming on.

"Who says I have anyone here?"

"You're you?" Kurt answered sharply in true Hummel fashion at the same time an unfamiliar voice said, "Sebastian?"

It was a good moment to face palm, but Sebastian resisted and threw a tight smile toward the blonde, Jonathan, who grinned at him sleepily. He was decent looking, but a tad too skinny and his hipbones were so fucking pointy it wasn't funny – not like Kurt, with his elegant curves and soft angles. See, that was what he was talking about—because the minute he started thinking about Jonathan's shortcomings, he was immediately comparing them to Kurt.

Dammit.

"Who's this twink?" Jonathan asked conversationally, reaching the floor and beaming at Sebastian, obviously expecting him to be sweet and feed him some bullshit line about a cousin or something to that effect.

"His next fuck," Kurt snapped and really, Sebastian would have to do something about Kurt's rapidly developing potty mouth unless the countertenor wanted him to bang him in front of someone who was still relatively innocent. "Now kindly leave."

Jonathan raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Just… wow. You're really going to fuck this guy?" Kurt visibly bristled, that flush coming back to his cheeks. Sebastian hated that he could compose sonnets about Kurt's blushes – the way they lit his cheeks awash in pink.

"He fucked me long before he fucked you, and probably liked it more," Kurt snapped back, pulling Sebastian back from his distraction. "So go back to the playpen now and let the adults have fun."

"You look more likely to punch him that you are to have sex with him," Jonathan retorted and Sebastian sighed. The sad part was that it was true, but Kurt's eyes flashed dangerously and he kept his mouth shut. He knew better at this point. A time and place, he reminded himself.

"Maybe I'll do both," he said sweetly. "I already have, after all." Sebastian winced at the memory and Kurt's nails dug into his arm painfully.

"Look, I'll see you at school tomorrow, Jonathan. You'd better get out unless you want a show."

Kurt's smile was downright malicious and Jonathan paled. "I do not want to be a part of your kinky angry sex games," he said bluntly, pushing past Kurt, who looked offended that he'd been touched, and put the open door. "Fucking crazies-" Sebastian heard the kid mutter as he fled.

"He'll never fuck me again," Sebastian muttered. "He's going to tell the entire school I'm banging some psychopath. Was that your goal?"

"Obviously," Kurt answered, sliding his jacket off and setting it neatly on the table next to the front door. "I plan on doing this often and I'm not going to have you giving me an STD if you haven't already."

"One, I know for a fact I'm clean unless that kid has something, and two, don't you think it's a little unhealthy to be relying on fucking me to make you feel better?" He hated how he almost sounded _concerned_.

"It doesn't make me feel better," Kurt snorted. "It makes me feel worse, actually. I'm hoping if I slum it with you enough, I'll feel so bad I won't care anymore." Sebastian sighed, letting Kurt pull the button up collared shirt off of him.

"Definitely unhealthy," he decided, but then Kurt's lips were pressed against his, warm and wet, and he didn't feel the need to think anymore.

In spite of what Sebastian liked to say to piss him off, Kurt really was a fair kisser and Sebastian just tacked it on to everything else the countertenor did well that took him by surprise. His lips would be bruised, he was sure of that. It was perfect, like everything else. He bit Sebastian's lower lip hard enough to draw blood and suddenly, Sebastian was too horny to care.

"Harvey Danger, really?"

Sebastian had to take a moment to think because really, he wasn't even quite sure how Kurt was thinking so rationally with the Warbler's cock up his decidedly greedy ass. He'd been fucking Kurt off and on for a month now and he was a bit disgruntled because it wasn't helping the fact that he thought about it all the time. If anything, it was getting worse, because the more they had sex, the better Kurt got in bed. It was almost rude of him, really, to make Sebastian pine like a fourteen year old with no control. He hadn't even slept with anyone else since the angry sex had become a regular occurrence, which he would have equated to a relationship, were it not for the fact that the only thing they shared outside of sex was insults.

"You're the one who announced he wanted music and pressed play on my iPod," he retorted through clenched teeth, pushing himself deep into Kurt's body. The countertenor's legs were wrapped tightly around his waist and his arms were under Sebastian's. His nails were likely drawing blood from Sebastian's back, but that was kind of the point. Since Sebastian had first fucked him so hard he hadn't been able to walk for an hour and had to take a shower so he didn't get blood on his slacks, he made it is mission to paint Sebastian red, too.

"Didn't realize you'd have-_ ah_ - Flagpole Sitta on your iPod, though," Kurt gasped against his neck, breathing harshly. The music was loud, pounding. His parents were in Paris—they probably would be for quite a while—and there was no one to care what he did at home except for the maid who came in once a week.

"Well," he grunted, Kurt's body so warm and tight it was hard to speak rationally. "I didn't even know you knew it."

"Everybody has their reality songs that makes you feel like crap," Kurt murmured breathlessly and Sebastian wished he had time to marvel that they were having a serious, albeit ill-timed, conversation. Kurt just reminded him that they would probably never talk outside of sex with a roll of his hips, whining softly.

"Yeah," he agreed softly, punctuating his gentle tone with a rough snap of his hips. "It's a necessary evil." He was so close_, so damn close_, thrusting into Kurt with abandon, his hands gripping Kurt's thighs to push his knees into his chest, when the doorbell rang.

The door to Sebastian's room was open, and he could hear the front door open down the hall. "Sebastian! I know you're home."

Both Kurt and Sebastian froze, because they both knew that voice, and it definitely was not a good time for Blaine to walk in on their particular brand of fighting. Sebastian pulls back, knowing that Kurt wasn't going to want Blaine walking in on them fucking. Of course, it wasn't going to help any because they were both still hard and Sebastian's back was definitely bleeding. His blood was under Kurt's nails.

"I—what are you doing?"

Blaine stood in the doorway, his expression betrayed and so innocently hurt that Sebastian almost laughed in frustration at himself because he'd _known _this would happen, that he'd just kick the puppy again. God, he really was the lowest of the low, wasn't he? Kurt made a little sound that Sebastian couldn't identify, not quite a sob, and sat up, pulling one of the blankets at the foot of the bed around his body.

"Blaine," he said softly. There wasn't anything else he could say, really.

"Is this… are you two _together_?" His voice was so heartbroken that Sebastian wasn't surprised to see Kurt wince. He wasn't sure when he'd started caring enough to intervene, but he did.

"No, actually," he sighed, snagging another blanket to cover himself with. "It's more of a guilt-hate fuck, actually."

Blaine's expression was carefully blank. "You've been sleeping together." It wasn't a question, so Sebastian didn't feel the need to do more than nod curtly. Kurt bit his lip, looking down. Sebastian could see the guilt make an appearance in Kurt's expressive glasz eyes. "I mean… did you break up with me so you could continue this without worrying about me?"

"No!" Kurt cried, looking up finally and Sebastian was horrified to see tears in his eyes. "God, no! What kind of person do you think I am? When Sebastian and I slept together the first time, I fully intended to bury the memory and never think about it again. I just… I couldn't be with you knowing what I did to you. And then—"

"The guilt became too much," Sebastian finished, sighing. "It might surprise you with you being such an innocent, but this isn't some love-affair. It's hate sex."

"You don't hate him," Blaine said in a hoarse voice. "I can tell damn well you don't. And if Kurt hated you at one point, he doesn't now." He gave a weak laugh. "I came to yell at you, to finally get all this anger out. Now I can't even do that because I don't think that I'll be able to yell at one of you without yelling at the other." To Sebastian's horror, he could see tears in Blaine's eyes too before he turned and ran, with only the sound of a choked half-sob from Kurt to accompany it.

"Kurt—" he whispered, about to apologize, to try and catch Blaine, to fix things, to do _something._

Instead, Kurt pulled him down and kissed him so hard he was nearly convinced he'd busted a lip. "I want you to fuck me so hard I forget my name. So hard I forget about Blaine, and how much of an asshole I am, about how many people I've hurt. I want you to fuck me, and then I'm going to stay the night because I'm not going home like this and we are never going to talk about this again."

"Kurt—"

"Don't get all emotional on me; this isn't about that," he hissed, but there were tears in his eyes and his point was invalid. "And for the record? I _do_hate you, Sebastian. If I didn't five minutes ago, I do now." He brushed the tears away angrily. "Now fuck me before I forget why you're the only man for the job and go looking for someone else."

Sebastian wanted to pull away, to get Kurt's head on straight and remind him who he really loved before they both got in way over their heads.

He didn't.

It was just understood that Sebastian followed Kurt to New York after graduation. It was too late to apply for NYADA, though they both knew that he would have if it made Kurt happy. No, instead, he wound up at a much smaller school studying writing and literature. He hoped to be an author and Kurt was fine with that, fine with the late hours typing up short stories and the lack of sex for a week or so whenever he got into a writing mood.

No, it wasn't perfect. Surprisingly, their lives together were quiet. They learned the intimate details about each other through action and day after day of repetition. There were some days they couldn't even stand to be in the same room, and Sebastian had a futon in his study for that exact reason.

They lived together for three years before Kurt announced that he had ran into Blaine, who was doing something Broadway related. Blaine had a new significant other—a fairly significant one, apparently—and was engaged. Sebastian was a little surprised when Kurt just gave him a faint smile and told him that he didn't care.

"It's been years," he mused. "And I ruined my own chances with Blaine. He's happy with this guy; I'll just be happy he is." Sebastian nodded, like he understood, but he didn't. The only person he'd ever cared enough about to even contemplate thinking that way for was Kurt, and well, their relationship had never been normal.

They still fucked each other to cause pain. There was less of it, and Kurt kissed him goodbye now and there was foreplay before they had sex, but it still happened. It wasn't just fucking anymore and they both knew it; they just never talked about it. Sebastian hadn't had sex with anyone since the sophomore twink from Dalton and he had no plans to. He told people Kurt was his boyfriend. Kurt told people Sebastian was his lover. They were mutually exclusive, even if their relationship was begun by pain and hatred.

Sebastian still thought he hated Kurt from time to time. He knew Kurt felt the same way, every time they got into a fight and he ended up being slapped across the face. Kurt never would apologize; he just kissed the red spot and left to cool down before coming back and calmly continuing the disagreement like normal people.

A sunny August, shortly after Kurt finished school and finished his first show, which wasn't Broadway but would lead to it with any luck, Sebastian sealed his fate and surprised the both of them.

"Marry me." They were having coffee at a Starbucks down the street from their apartment, carrying on a previously silent conversation with their eyes, and the question—though it was phrased much less delicately, like a demand—slipped from his lips.

Kurt's eyes had widened, but Sebastian hadn't given him time to argue. "No, I'm serious. Marry me. We're going to be together forever anyway." To anyone else, it would have sounded romantic. They both knew it wasn't that, though Sebastian might have very well loved Kurt and vice versa. No, to them it was just a testament about them, about how they were both so messed up they couldn't be with anyone else. They both knew it was completely true and it didn't take Kurt more than a minute or two to slowly nod his head. Sebastian had the ring—he always had the ring on him, in case he found the opportunity or the balls to throw it away and leave, to make something for himself outside of the love-hate relationship he had with Kurt.

But he knew better than to throw it away, especially when it looked so damn lovely on Kurt's slender ring finger. "Dad will be thrilled." Kurt's voice was nonplused, like he was still trying to figure out Sebastian's angle – but there was a small smile on his lips. He was pleased, and Sebastian felt a surge of warmth.

"Burt will be horrified," Sebastian corrected with a tired chuckle. "But he'll get over it, won't he? He won't have a choice."

The wedding was almost a year later, and it was a small affair. Kurt's family came with presents galore, and Finn didn't start a single fight with Sebastian the entire week he was in New York. Sebastian's family didn't come, but they sent a nice card that wasn't signed. Kurt knew that Sebastian kept it anyway, in a box under their bed, and didn't bring it up. Ever. It was one condition between them—not to ask questions when they knew the answer.

Sebastian didn't say he loved Kurt, not to face, not before the wedding. He waited until they stood face to face, rings in place, in white tuxedos. Kurt's hair was very precisely done, and he looked paler than normal. Sebastian knew it wasn't make up, and didn't ask if he regretted saying yes. He just leaned in when their priest—who looked rather uncomfortable—said to kiss each other, and whispered, _"I love you_," against Kurt's mouth before kissing him gently.

Kurt nodded. "I love you, too." He knew it was true, even if accidental and reluctant.

"I'm sorry for ruining your life," Sebastian murmured in bed that night, his legs tangled with his husband's. They still lived in that small apartment and wouldn't consider moving until Kurt made it big on Broadway and they moved to the two-story Victorian outside of Manhattan.

Kurt didn't say much, just leaned in and kissed him. Sebastian didn't know if Kurt forgave him, but he knew that Kurt loved him. They were both resigned to their fate.

He found it funny sometimes, in a sad sort of way, that their whole relationship was founded on mutual hatred and psychological scarring stemmed from a deep-rooted anger that had rocked them both to the core at eighteen years old. Sometimes, it was almost surreal to wake up with Kurt in his arms after dreaming about Blaine's face, about the slushie, about the lives they'd had before they'd come together. Other times, it was normal. He knew that the minute he'd opened the door and let Kurt into his apartment after molesting Blaine—who was now no more than a distant memory he wanted to forget—he'd ruined whatever future he would have had for himself.

Kurt died first, at seventy-three. They'd adopted three children and had seven grandchildren by that point, each beloved. Their seventeen great-grandchildren were spread out in the world—one lived in Russia by the time that Kurt passed away—and it was a snowy day shortly after Christmas when, alone in the house with Sebastian, Kurt closed his eyes and didn't wake up.

Sebastian lived for another ten years. He never loved again and sometimes, he would just stay in bed all day and dream about the angel of a man he'd desecrated and married. He remembered very little and everyone knew that when their only daughter moved in, it wasn't because she was single at forty-three and missed her father. The Alzheimer's was so bad Sebastian couldn't even remember her name most of the time and they all knew it was only a matter of time.

He died at age eighty-three in a nursing home. He'd been staring at a picture of himself and Kurt in their thirties with their first baby, David. He couldn't remember the boy's name at the time, and he'd been thinking hard on the name Kurt. He knew it belonged to the other one, the one standing next to him. He remembered the name and remembered pain, remembering only that he'd hurt the angel in the photo with his arms around a baby, leaning into Sebastian like he was the center of gravity. He'd hurt Kurt and everyone else.

The nurse was there when his heart gave out, and later told David, Lisa, and Alexander that his last words were that he loved Kurt. They weren't. Nobody but that nurse knew what he really said.

_I'm so sorry I ruined you. I miss you so much._

She never told anybody, and no one else asked after the children. Sebastian Smythe was buried next to Kurt Hummel-Smythe, undisturbed. Three years later, Alexander and Lisa found a photo album in the attic compiled of Kurt's high school and college days, the result of a zealous scrapbooking phase. They both wondered who the young man with the bowties were, but neither of them knew who to ask now and neither ever found out. Instead, they focused on the last half of the album, filled with Sebastian and Kurt, Sebastian and his small group of friends from college, Kurt and his own friends.

Lisa knew that something happened in between the boy with the bowties and her fathers. She knew that there was a reason that Kurt's smile wasn't quite the same in the last half of the album.

She never told anyone what she knew, because she knew something more important. Her parents, for all their faults and everything said or done in anger between them, loved each other. Somehow, they loved each other even though she knew that there was something between them that they regretted.

"I miss you, Dad," she murmured one night, hot chocolate in one hand, the photo album in the other. Alexander and his wife were upstairs, giving her some time alone before she returned to the home she'd made for herself in New York City, a few blocks away from David's old house. She hadn't seen him since he'd moved to Ohio in some fit of nostalgia after Sebastian's death, but she liked to think that he'd come back some day despite knowing that what he was doing was running away from their past and their strange family that hurt too much. Kurt's childhood was in Lima; theirs was in New York and one day, she hoped David would remember that.

She set the photo album down and moved upstairs to the guestroom that had once been her own nursery. That night, she found something in the closet while looking for some candles, in the very back that had been overlooked when Alexander and Katie moved in all that time ago, to keep the house in the family.

She pulled the letter out and read it silently.

_Sebastian,_

_I know you're still mad at me for that fight we had yesterday, and I wanted to write this down because I can't tell you tomorrow since I have to leave early for the show._

_We did some pretty stupid things back when we were kids. I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that while I regret how we came together, how much I hate that our relationship was founded in anger, I don't regret it as a whole, even if it hurts._

_I still hate you sometimes, but when I don't, I love you more than I've ever loved anything. We ruined each other, Seb. You're not the only one to blame. I'll see you when I get back from Paris. Tell David I love him, and tell Lisa that Daddy will be home soon._

_Kurt_

Underneath that, Lisa found her father's response, a print out of a text message sent to Kurt's cell so many years ago the technology was practically ancient. She could see why her parents had kept it, and knew that she'd be storing it away herself. It was such a good summery of their relationship, so brutally honest.

_I know, Kurt. I love you, too, more than you realize. I'm just sorry I ruined us first._

Lisa folded it up and padded back downstairs to slip into the photo album.


End file.
